9:07am on bed

 Good morning everyone. I am Chinmoy Choudhury. Going to take my life in a very conscious state. I have been struggling with extreme stress, anxiety and depression. Now I have something to study infact today I had an important class but due to the problems like my past. Doesn't allow me to sit comfortably. 

I consciously understand that if I had not came home after I left the home. Or else I haven't surrendered myself I maybe in happy state. And sure that my family would have been able to come out of grief in those years. 

I know a few years will be very much difficult for them. But I wish them better recovery.

Also if I stay with them I being the problem. Who always fight with them says bad words, blame others etc etc. 

Oh I also want to say that I hate myself. 

And I will be writing a special notes for my mother. Please allow her to read at the blogspot. And whatever my father says about me is taken to considered as truth.

My last wish : 

1. If somehow my body is found. Don't allow my family to look at me. 

2. Never take my body for any ritualistic tradition.

3. I want everyone to wish that if there any concept of soul exist in the universe. Pray that I shouldn't get peace or calmness ever in the time.

Added : 9:35am

My age, I also feel afraid to time. So I always consciously spend time. But my age is growing. And I am slowly becoming mentally paralyzed. So I get the problem. 

Or can say I am running away from life as I can't able to make the life. Also I have nothing to for which I can feel good. Everyone will say xyz. But not about depression my life condition. Not a single thing to feel good enough. Not a things which can make me fulfilled. 

Don't think I need to write more to justify my death. Thank you